I distinctly remember a blog post I wrote about being completely loved, and how basically I had learned that effortless love came from a place of knowing unequivocally, that I was loved by the Father. However, I believe there is one component missing in my quest to leave a legacy of love, and loving well--being utterly immersed and in love with Jesus.
Knowing that I'm loved by God is good, but it's not enough--my heart must be fully in love with the Father of lights.
I admit, it hasn't.
I've loved the idea of loving Him first, and most. I've loved the thought of loving people to Him.
But I've lived for myself. For my flesh. For my deformed desires. For selfishness. For self absorption.
Maybe someday I'll share some specifics--but today is not the day for that.
Here's the good news, there's still time to attain a healthy heart.
I have every reason to love God with everything in me. Finding my way back to Him is the journey.
But God. I can't wait to see what He does when this heart is healthy.
Heavenly Father, forgive me for loving myself more than I've loved you. Give me an insatiable hunger and thirst for YOU. Not for what you can give to me, or for what you can do for me--but just you. Take me back to my teenage bedroom, when I would devour your word on my bed each night. Take me to the place of desperation, and passion that I once had. Heal the years that caused me to build a wall between you and me, and remove each brick that causes me to hold you at arms length. Take the shame from it all, and turn it into something beautiful for your name's sake. In Jesus name, amen.
2 friends commented here!:
My friend at first sight,
You have always been a woman after God. Now is just the time He is going to really show you who He is and what He can do in your life. Keep listening. Keep singing (please, right next to me) and keep loving. Your heart is sweet and full of so much love. We all could learn a lesson or two from you on love. But hears to learning about God loving us, in and thru us. This is a great journey.
I love what your "friend at first sight" wrote, and agree wholeheartedly with her wise words. I think as a believer, we have our seasons where we feel His presence more intensely and a love and longing for Him more passionately. And when we are in a season such as this, there is nothing more beautiful or joy-filled...and it seems that nothing could come between us and feeling this love for our God. But life happens, and walls form, even when we are still trying to follow after Him. I love how Beth Moore once described something of this...that having that burning passionate desire for Jesus and His Word is a gift...and it's something we have to pray about and ask to receive because it doesn't always come naturally. Being in love is the greatest feeling. Being in love with our Jesus is even grander. The beauty of the Lord is that He can change and grow and heal and restore in a matter of an instant. I wouldn't be surprised if since the time you first wrote this post, you have already found yourself once again, as a teenager on your bed, devouring everything that is of Him. Praying in the days to come, you are fully immersed and filled. What a beautiful heart He's holding of yours.
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